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10 Ways Smart People Stay Calm

20 May


The ability to manage your emotions and remain calm under pressure has a direct link to your performance. TalentSmart has conducted research with more than a million people, and we’ve found that 90 percent of top performers are skilled at managing their emotions in times of stress in order to remain calm and in control.

If you follow my work, you’ve read some startling research summaries that explore the havoc stress can wreak on one’s physical and mental health (such as the Yale study, which found that prolonged stress causes degeneration in the area of the brain responsible for self-control). The tricky thing about stress (and the anxiety that comes with it) is that it’s an absolutely necessary emotion. Our brains are wired such that it’s difficult to take action until we feel at least some level of this emotional state. In fact, performance peaks under the heightened activation that comes with moderate levels of stress. As long as the stress isn’t prolonged, it’s harmless.


Research from the University of California, Berkeley, reveals an upside to experiencing moderate levels of stress. But it also reinforces how important it is to keep stress under control. The study, led by post-doctoral fellow Elizabeth Kirby, found that the onset of stress entices the brain into growing new cells responsible for improved memory. However, this effect is only seen when stress is intermittent. As soon as the stress continues beyond a few moments into a prolonged state, it suppresses the brain’s ability to develop new cells.

“I think intermittent stressful events are probably what keeps the brain more alert, and you perform better when you are alert,” Kirby says. For animals, intermittent stress is the bulk of what they experience, in the form of physical threats in their immediate environment. Long ago, this was also the case for humans. As the human brain evolved and increased in complexity, we’ve developed the ability to worry and perseverate on events, which creates frequent experiences of prolonged stress.

Besides increasing your risk of heart disease, depression, and obesity, stress decreases your cognitive performance. Fortunately, though, unless a lion is chasing you, the bulk of your stress is subjective and under your control. Top performers have well-honed coping strategies that they employ under stressful circumstances. This lowers their stress levels regardless of what’s happening in their environment, ensuring that the stress they experience is intermittent and not prolonged.

While I’ve run across numerous effective strategies that smart people employ when faced with stress, what follows are ten of the best. Some of these strategies may seem obvious, but the real challenge lies in recognizing when you need to use them and having the wherewithal to actually do so in spite of your stress.


1. They Appreciate What They Have

Taking time to contemplate what you’re grateful for isn’t merely the “right” thing to do. It also improves your mood, because it reduces the stress hormone cortisol by 23%. Research conducted at the University of California, Davis found that people who worked daily to cultivate an attitude of gratitude experienced improved mood, energy, and physical well-being. It’s likely that lower levels of cortisol played a major role in this.


2. They Avoid Asking “What If?”

“What if?” statements throw fuel on the fire of stress and worry. Things can go in a million different directions, and the more time you spend worrying about the possibilities, the less time you’ll spend focusing on taking action that will calm you down and keep your stress under control. Calm people know that asking “what if? will only take them to a place they don’t want—or need—to go.


3. They Stay Positive

Positive thoughts help make stress intermittent by focusing your brain’s attention onto something that is completely stress-free. You have to give your wandering brain a little help by consciously selecting something positive to think about. Any positive thought will do to refocus your attention. When things are going well, and your mood is good, this is relatively easy. When things are going poorly, and your mind is flooded with negative thoughts, this can be a challenge. In these moments, think about your day and identify one positive thing that happened, no matter how small. If you can’t think of something from the current day, reflect on the previous day or even the previous week. Or perhaps you’re looking forward to an exciting event that you can focus your attention on. The point here is that you must have something positive that you’re ready to shift your attention to when your thoughts turn negative.


4. They Disconnect

Given the importance of keeping stress intermittent, it’s easy to see how taking regular time off the grid can help keep your stress under control. When you make yourself available to your work 24/7, you expose yourself to a constant barrage of stressors. Forcing yourself offline and even—gulp!—turning off your phone gives your body a break from a constant source of stress. Studies have shown that something as simple as an email break can lower stress levels.

Technology enables constant communication and the expectation that you should be available 24/7. It is extremely difficult to enjoy a stress-free moment outside of work when an email that will change your train of thought and get you thinking (read: stressing) about work can drop onto your phone at any moment. If detaching yourself from work-related communication on weekday evenings is too big a challenge, then how about the weekend? Choose blocks of time where you cut the cord and go offline. You’ll be amazed at how refreshing these breaks are and how they reduce stress by putting a mental recharge into your weekly schedule. If you’re worried about the negative repercussions of taking this step, first try doing it at times when you’re unlikely to be contacted—maybe Sunday morning. As you grow more comfortable with it, and as your coworkers begin to accept the time you spend offline, gradually expand the amount of time you spend away from technology.


5. They Limit Their Caffeine Intake

Drinking caffeine triggers the release of adrenaline. Adrenaline is the source of the “fight-or-flight” response, a survival mechanism that forces you to stand up and fight or run for the hills when faced with a threat. The fight-or-flight mechanism sidesteps rational thinking in favor of a faster response. This is great when a bear is chasing you, but not so great when you’re responding to a curt email. When caffeine puts your brain and body into this hyperaroused state of stress, your emotions overrun your behavior. The stress that caffeine creates is far from intermittent, as its long half-life ensures that it takes its sweet time working its way out of your body.


6. They Sleep

I’ve beaten this one to death over the years and can’t say enough about the importance of sleep to increasing your emotional intelligence and managing your stress levels. When you sleep, your brain literally recharges, so that you wake up alert and clear-headed. Your self-control, attention, and memory are all reduced when you don’t get enough—or the right kind—of sleep. Sleep deprivation raises stress hormone levels on its own, even without a stressor present. Stressful projects often make you feel as if you have no time to sleep, but taking the time to get a decent night’s sleep is often the one thing keeping you from getting things under control.


7. They Squash Negative Self-Talk

A big step in managing stress involves stopping negative self-talk in its tracks. The more you ruminate on negative thoughts, the more power you give them. Most of our negative thoughts are just that—thoughts, not facts. When you find yourself believing the negative and pessimistic things your inner voice says, it’s time to stop and write them down. Literally stop what you’re doing and write down what you’re thinking. Once you’ve taken a moment to slow down the negative momentum of your thoughts, you will be more rational and clear-headed in evaluating their veracity.

You can bet that your statements aren’t true any time you use words like “never,” “worst,” “ever,” etc. If your statements still look like facts once they’re on paper, take them to a friend or colleague you trust and see if he or she agrees with you. Then the truth will surely come out. When it feels like something always or never happens, this is just your brain’s natural threat tendency inflating the perceived frequency or severity of an event. Identifying and labeling your thoughts as thoughts by separating them from the facts will help you escape the cycle of negativity and move toward a positive new outlook.


8. They Reframe Their Perspective

Stress and worry are fueled by our own skewed perception of events. It’s easy to think that unrealistic deadlines, unforgiving bosses, and out-of-control traffic are the reasons we’re so stressed all the time. You can’t control your circumstances, but you can control how you respond to them. So before you spend too much time dwelling on something, take a minute to put the situation in perspective. If you aren’t sure when you need to do this, try looking for clues that your anxiety may not be proportional to the stressor. If you’re thinking in broad, sweeping statements such as “Everything is going wrong” or “Nothing will work out,” then you need to reframe the situation. A great way to correct this unproductive thought pattern is to list the specific things that actually are going wrong or not working out. Most likely you will come up with just some things—not everything—and the scope of these stressors will look much more limited than it initially appeared.


9. They Breathe

The easiest way to make stress intermittent lies in something that you have to do everyday anyway: breathing. The practice of being in the moment with your breathing will begin to train your brain to focus solely on the task at hand and get the stress monkey off your back. When you’re feeling stressed, take a couple of minutes to focus on your breathing. Close the door, put away all other distractions, and just sit in a chair and breathe. The goal is to spend the entire time focused only on your breathing, which will prevent your mind from wandering. Think about how it feels to breathe in and out. This sounds simple, but it’s hard to do for more than a minute or two. It’s all right if you get sidetracked by another thought; this is sure to happen at the beginning, and you just need to bring your focus back to your breathing. If staying focused on your breathing proves to be a real struggle, try counting each breath in and out until you get to 20, and then start again from 1. Don’t worry if you lose count; you can always just start over.

This task may seem too easy or even a little silly, but you’ll be surprised by how calm you feel afterward and how much easier it is to let go of distracting thoughts that otherwise seem to have lodged permanently inside your brain.


10. They Use Their Support System

It’s tempting, yet entirely ineffective, to attempt tackling everything by yourself. To be calm and productive, you need to recognize your weaknesses and ask for help when you need it. This means tapping into your support system when a situation is challenging enough for you to feel overwhelmed. Everyone has someone at work and/or outside work who is on their team, rooting for them, and ready to help them get the best from a difficult situation. Identify these individuals in your life and make an effort to seek their insight and assistance when you need it. Something as simple as talking about your worries will provide an outlet for your anxiety and stress and supply you with a new perspective on the situation. Most of the time, other people can see a solution that you can’t because they are not as emotionally invested in the situation. Asking for help will mitigate your stress and strengthen your relationships with those you rely upon.


Reference :


The Gifts of Introversion

9 Sep

The Gifts of Introversion

I have been writing about introversion for 10 years now. That’s a surprising number of words about being quiet. It seems that a lot of introverts are finding their words these days. With so many of us taking up our keyboards in recent defense of our disposition, I would wager that there are more words dripping with introversion than ever before.

While I, of course, celebrate that, I am troubled when introversion conversations drift in a particular direction, and that is in pointing out what we are not. I cringe when I see links to articles with titles such as “Why Introverts Hate Small Talk” or worse: “I Am an Introvert, Leave Me Alone!”

My concern is that we are giving the world the impression that ours is an orientation defined by what we lack. We aren’t gregarious, excitable, or charismatic. We dislike crowds and loud stimulation. We have less energy. Sometimes it’s even implied that we don’t like other people. It seems that extroversion gets to be defined by what it is, but introversion is too often defined by what it isn’t.

I know the confusions circling about the introverted temperament in an extroverted society, and I understand why we introverts can feel defensive about our social patterns. But our temperament is now part of a broader cultural dialogue, and my hope is that we can move away from a defensive posture into a more constructive one. Now that we know that up to half of the population falls on the introverted side of the spectrum, we no longer have to fight like we are backed into a corner.

I think it’s time to shift the conversation by celebrating the positive side of introversion. The more I have settled into my introversion over the past few years, the more I have come to appreciate its gifts. At this point, I wouldn’t want to be any other way.

Introverts bring a bounty of gifts to the table:

  • Introverts bring a sense of calm. Far from communicating a standoffish posture, we attract people because they feel more at peace in our presence. We have a peacefulness that can help defuse difficult situations, and we show the value of quiet restraint in tense conversations. Our non-reactionary responses help us—and others—in crisis situations.
  • Introverts help others slow down. There is one introverted mentor I know who is a magnet for younger anxious employees because they seem to breathe more deeply and slowly around him. Have you ever noticed that people actually breathe differently around you? We can show others that our intrinsic value is not in how much we accomplish or how busy we are.
  • Introverts are loyal friends. No quote from my book, Introverts in the Church, has resonated quite like the one I wrote about introverts and friendship: “Introverts treasure the relationships they have stretched so much to make.” It may take us a while to warm up to people, but once we’re in, we’re in. We will prioritize you, and we won’t easily give up our friendship because of conflict or changing life circumstances.
  • Introverts see things. I have often thought that if someone were to write me into a novel, I wouldn’t be the protagonist or any other central character; I would be the narrator. Those of us who like to sit on the sidelines and observe others often see more than those in the center of the action. We notice group dynamics and individual behaviors that others might miss, which is a reason introverts make excellent therapists.
  • Introverts are compassionate. When you have an inward orientation, you go deep into yourself, and you can see both the good and the bad, the light and the dark. Honest self-reflection, usually borne out of solitude, helps us to extend compassion and forgiveness to others because we know their struggles and inner contradictions.
  • Introverts are funny. I know a lot of introverts, myself included, who spend a fair amount of time sitting quietly, thinking of funny things to say. We are often the people in the group who don’t lead the conversation but who interject pithy lines from time to time. Our timing isn’t always great, but when it is, people laugh.
  • Introverts are creative. Creativity often seems to come from a deep connection with our inner world. Underneath the surface are sparks of imagination, waiting to ignite. Because we do our best work in solitude, creative introverts may be less reliant on established norms and more able to see and hear new things.

Finally, introverts listen. I saved this one for last because I believe listening to be an exquisite gift and one that our world is desperate for. We all long to be heard—truly listened to without being judged for what we say or how we think and without being treated as a mere interruption in another person’s story. There is much more to listening than not speaking, but not speaking is certainly a good start.

Last post on 2014

24 Dec

Sara Bareilles – Gravity

Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do I’ll still feel you here ’til the moment I’m gone.

You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your reign.

Set me free, leave me be. I don’t want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I’m supposed to be.
But you’re on to me and all over me.

You loved me ’cause I’m fragile.
When I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.

Set me free, leave me be. I don’t want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I’m supposed to be.
But you’re on to me and all over me.

I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you’re everything I think I need here on the ground.
But you’re neither friend nor foe though I can’t seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you’re keeping me down.
You’re keeping me down, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
You’re on to me, on to me, and all over…
Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.

Read more:  Sara Bareilles – Gravity Lyrics | MetroLyrics

#1 First story of my life at school.(Oct.6~Oct.12)

14 Oct

#1 Story of my life at school

image-2 image-3 image-4 image-5 image-6 image-7 image-8 image-9 image-10 image-11 image

My second story will be about my vida, Hanbyul Daniela. 🙂

At last..

27 Jun

I want to believe that it is my last …


don’t want to get hurt and give hurt anymore..


5 Things You Can do to Kickstart Your Days

1 Jun

Have you ever had days where you just don’t feel like doing anything? At the end of the day, you look back and you realize you’ve accomplished nothing. These are called zero days. Zero productivity, zero accomplishments, zero wins.It’s alright to relax and unwind once in a while, but if it happens too often, you need to change something.

And the best time to start that change is in the morning.The morning is the most important part of our day. It sets the tone and tempo for the rest of the day. If you’re feeling lethargic and unmotivated in the morning, you’ll likely retain that feeling all day long.

Here are 5 things you can do in the morning to ensure that you stay productive and motivated all day long.

Wake up early

You know how you feel tired and cloudy when you oversleep? You have this dull ache in your head all day, and that totally destroys your productivity. No amount of coffee will lift that cloudy feeling.

Sleep is important, but sleeping too much is bad. Start waking up earlier and giving yourself more time in the morning. Try waking up at 6 am, or 7 am, or even 8 am. This gives you more time in the morning to accomplish things, and a psychological boost when you reach lunch time to find out you’ve already done so much.

You can even use an app that wakes you up when you’re in the light phase of your sleep. Sleep Cycle is one such app. It tracks your sleep and wakes you up after you’ve completed your REM phase, which is the most important part of your sleep.


Starting the day with a workout provides massive benefits. It doesn’t have to be a proper workout. The aim is to get your blood flowing, and pump oxygen into your brain.

Even a quick 10-minute jog is good enough. No space to run? Run up and down a staircase. No staircase? Do a few jumping jacks and pushups.

You’ll see that you feel more energy and this stays with you throughout the day. You’ll feel revitalized, and any tiredness you felt from waking up early will vanish after a short run.

Drink water and eat rich

The moment you wake up, drink a glass of water. Staying hydrated is important, especially in the morning because you haven’t had any water all night long.

Also, don’t skip breakfast. This is the most important meal of the day for a reason. Starting with a rich and healthy breakfast gives you the energy you need to power through your mornings.


Starting your day with a quick organization and planning session help you accomplish more tasks. When you’ve written down the tasks you have for the day, and prioritized them, it gives you a good roadmap to follow for the rest of the day.

Most of the time, people are unproductive simply because they don’t know what task to handle next. With a priority list sitting in front of you all day, you won’t waste time trying to decide what to do.


We’ve already seen the benefits of meditation in previous posts. A short meditation in the morning is a good exercise in improving focus. Your mind becomes clearer and you learn to cut out distractions.

By implementing these habits, you’re setting yourself up for success. A super productive morning gives you a huge psychological boost and motivates you for the rest of the day. You’ll be able to do more and finish things faster, leaving you with more time in the evenings to enjoy with your friends and family.

Resource – Pick the brain


Close your eyes in peace..

28 May


I will always love you and be with you even if it is in the heaven..

Rest in peace, my love..